Do you remember the last time you laughed so hard your cheeks and stomach hurt?  During that moment of utter enjoyment your body was being flooded with positive energy that filled your core from cell to cell.  A good laugh can have a similar feeling to a passionate night of sex, a vigorous workout at the gym, or the indulgence of an incredible chocolate dessert – all of which are quite enjoyable and have many benefits of there own.  A great laugh, however, heals you from the inside out.

 

To laugh with such unfiltered passion stimulates you mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  You feel positively rejuvenated, light, powerful, joyful and at peace with yourself.  Along with these great feelings, come many benefits: 

 

 

If laughing has so many benefits – why not be proactive with your health and laugh more?  Make a point to laugh everyday.  Laugh at yourself when you put on two different socks, or wear your shirt inside out or forget to zip yourself up, rent a comedy, go to the Light’n Up Laughter Club (Newmarket, ON), or find a website that can email you a daily joke.  Share a joke with others.  You can help others to heal with humour.

 

 

Humour for Raising a Healthy Family

Written by:  Jacquie Hermans, Laughter Coach, Personal Growth Trainer and T.V. Host/Producer

Raising children is the hardest school I’ve ever attended.  Every day I learn so much about myself through my kids.  We all want to be the best parents, we all want to do what is right – but I was really disappointed when I discovered my first child didn’t deliver with a manual.  My second edition arrived once again without instructions.  Some days I feel like I’m an awesome mother, but other days I realize there is so much to learn and most of the learning has to happen through trial and error with the two unique personalities that have entered my life. 

Bringing humour into our household has helped tremendously.  I’m not referring to cracking jokes, I’m referring to being easier going on myself and my family.  Let me tell you, it isn’t always easy.

We all need to laugh more.  We need to laugh about the things our children do and say.  We need to laugh about the times we forget to do something or say the wrong thing.  We need to realize that we are always doing the best we can and so is everyone else in our lives.

Humour is not only a powerful tool for self-healing, but it also works wonders with dealing with the adverse situations.  Situation such as… your child refusing to go to bed, or not putting on their coat or even when they provide no response to a request, when your standing two feet away from them.  Humour comes in handy.

In order to find the humour in adverse situations, you need to do work within yourself.

The first thing you need to muster is COMPASSION.  No matter what age your children are, they have unique little personalities, they have certain skills and experiences and they have their own stresses that they’re going through (we might not even be aware of).  All of the above will determine on how they react to a situation.

No matter how they react, they are always doing the best that they can for who they are and what they are going through.  Your role is to find compassion and this is the biggest lesson all parents need to learn in the ‘school of parenting’.  We never need to react to our children with a negative emotion such as anger, or guilt.  Negative emotions are triggered when a situation arises that does not mesh with your personality type, or relates to emotions, or experiences that you were around or went through in the past.  Emotions are natural. We all have them and they are amazing. Emotions are amazing because they are a gauge for where our opportunities for growth are.  Truly, we don’t ever need to be angry with anyone.    If we don’t have to be angry at someone than that means we can work on changing our reactions to situations and people. 

You don’t need to stay within a negative emotion that has been triggered.  Being a parent of two very determined girls, every day I have opportunities for growth thrown in my face.  Some days I ace it and others not so much.  I’ve come a long way in my retraining and I have a ways to go, however I have significantly decreased the stress in my life, simply by acknowledging my areas of growth and consciously working on changing my thought patterns.

If you would like assistance on changing your thought patterns, Jacquie offers one on one coaching sessions – check out www.lightnup.ca for details.

What your children need are caring adults that are understanding and compassionate teachers.  They need parents that can provide them with guidance.  If you think “My child needs to know I’m angry so I get angry – that way they won’t do it again”…stop for a moment and think optimistically about the following viewpoint.  In some cases, yes children won’t do it again because you scared the poop out of them.  Have you considered how your anger may affect your children in other ways?

I need to provide you a quick explanation of energy before I can continue.  We are all made up of energy.  When we laugh every cell in our body is ignited with positive energy and that affects or physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.  If you fill yourself with negative energy you are affecting your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health in a negative way.

As parents we need to work on providing our children guidance of how to make positive choices in their lives.  We need them to be confident in their decision making. If we focus on the negative, and fill our children with negative energy we may adversely affect their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

Fill your children with positive energy daily.  Provide them with unconditional love and understanding.  Provide them with guidance to make healthy choices on their own. Play and Laugh with your kids often.  Positive, laughter-filled energy encourages health and holistic balance in our bodies.

Here are some tips for raising your children with humour in mind:

To Give To Your Children:

·        Provide your children with positive feedback.

·        Allow your children to make mistakes rather than be over their shoulder trying to guide their every move.

·        Stop talking!!  We talk way too much.  Keep your feedback brief (I need to really practice this one!!)

·        If one technique doesn’t work, rather than repeating your words or actions again and again, try another approach.

·        Clearly state consequences of an action.

·        Give your children warning before transitions are going to happen.

·        Ensure the consequences are proportionate and if possible related to the action.

·        Follow through with the consequences

·        Redirecting is a great way to remove the attention from a negative behavior

·        Allow your children to participate in decision making.  If you have the young ones offer 2 -3 choices. “Would you like to do this …or this…first?”

·        Consistency is also very important and in many cases can override providing choices.  No matter who is with the child, make sure everyone is informed of the routine that happens with your child.  But hey, other things in life come up and some times you need to adapt routines, and that’s okay. That’s life – always full of surprises.  Keep your routines as consistent as you can and when things arise, go with the flow and get back into your routine as soon as you can.

·        Provide them with lots of love, lots of understanding

·        If you blow your top, apologize and acknowledge what you need to work on with your child (you’re human, it’s okay for them to know you can make mistakes to).

Working Through Negative Emotions:

·        Anytime you have a negative reaction to something your child does or says (anger, fear, guilt, sadness) you have an opportunity for personal growth.  It’s your stuff! 

·        Remember your child is always doing the best that they can.  So provide them with guidance, compassion and keep this in mind…they are perfect for today and so are you! 

·        You are always being the best parent you can be with the skills you have, past experiences, your personality and stresses in your life.  You will react to a situation based on all of the above factors.  Don’t beat yourself up.  Be thankful for the things you learn everyday.  You’re not meant to know how to do everything.  You are perfect for today.

·        When you feel a negative emotion welling in you – stop it and get rid of it. Ask yourself, do I need to feel this way?  The answer is always NO.  You choose to feel that way.  Ask yourself why you might have the negative emotion, does it stem from something in your past (you may not be able to pin point it and that’s okay – there are some great techniques for self-discovery such as timeline therapy, hypnosis, past life regression etc..), is it a healthy reaction?

·        Find optimism about the situation; find a way to laugh about it.  There are times when you may need to laugh on the inside (so as not to encourage a behavior).

Enjoy your ‘School of Parenting’.  Some days you may have a grade of a C or even a D, but know that tomorrow you can get an A+.  Choose to have compassion for your children and yourself.  Choose to fill your family with positive energy.

Wishing your family laughter, health and prosperity.

Written by:  Jacquie Hermans - laugh@lightnup.ca

Laughter Coach, Personal Growth Trainer

 

Humour at workplace - A Quest

Written by:  Madan Mohan Tripathy

It happened about 30 years back when I was a school going kid. On a visit to my maternal uncle, an agriculturist, in a remote village, during winter, I became interested to get a firsthand experience of rice harvesting. I accompanied his Gumasta, the person taking care of landed-property, to the paddy field in a cool afternoon. The scenery was picturesque beyond description, with the mother nature smiling with a brand new golden sari. About 20 daily wagers, both ladies and gents, were working in the field, cutting the rice plants with their sickles. The job continued much beyond sunset, well into the evening. Though I was shivering even with my sweater on, I could find no hesitation among the labourers, with some name-sake dress to cover their body, to continue working. However, I could locate one of them a bit extra-ordinary. I did not find him as enthusiastic in work as others. But, it appears he was most of the times talking something. Sometimes, he was standing with the sickle in hand and making gestures. Though he was not clearly audible to me sitting at a distance, I could guess he was cutting some jokes or telling some funny stories from the occasional hearty laugh of the male labour and giggle of the ladies. On my way back, I asked the Gumasta why he had engaged this man named Madhav who was only whiling away his time. The Gumasta, a short-statured bald elderly man gave a mischievous smile and gave his own reasons. Though I do not remember the exact words of his reply, but put in the management terminology, it is something like this - "I am interested in collective output, not in individual-output. But, mind you, I pay Madhav more than others for what he does". Of course, it was not clear to me then what it exactly meant. Now, on recapitulation, I understand he was probably hinting at " humour at workplace" and the productivity that goes with it.

Workplace Realities :
Look at all the buzz words we use and we face as we have entered into the 21st century. Change, competition, downsizing, re-engineering, merger and acquisition, job insecurity, plummeting morale, uncertainty and ambiguity in workplace with stress related illness and burnout have become house-hold words. Organizations are constantly looking for avenues to keep their work place happy, healthy and productive. Just like a pressure-cooker, if there is no method of relieving the pressure, the organization may explode in so far as the employees including the managerial personnel not able to handle the pressure getting sick, being burnout with more absenteeism, less commitment with morale in the low ebb affecting productivity, profitability and competitiveness of the organization. There need to be a valve for releasing the pressure and Humour and humour alone can be that valve.

The Myth

Traditionally, " Humour at the workplace" has been viewed as frivolous. Most organizations view humour as diversion from work. "Work is not supposed to be fun. It is a serious business", feel many. Organizations tend to believe that seriousness, tough-mindedness, keeping everybody on their toes, frowning and worried faces are the sine-qua-non for better management. There is an underlying assumption, which employees and managers confess privately, that humour, laughter or playful attitude on the job will be viewed in a poor light. If any employee is found to be having fun or is caught showing a playful attitude or joking or laughing, it is assumed that he is unprofessional, incompetent, immature or not taking the job seriously. Managers assume that humour at workplace means less productivity.

But, this is a myth, not the reality. Skeptics are requested to take a break from their busy schedule, read something funny or listen to some funny anecdote or funny song and come back again to job at hand. Isn't it more refreshing for you ? I am sure, the answer will be Yes. So, if you are more refreshed, how can you be less productive ? If you enjoy your work, how can your effectiveness and output be less? Of-course, the idea is not to make every employee a buffoon or a circus clown or a comedian. It is rather being serious about work and problems, but not taking things so seriously for yourself so as to cause a breakdown.

Humour - What it is ?

Humour is much more than mere joke-telling or being funny. It is an attitude, a way of life, a way of looking at the brighter side of work situations to relieve stress to be capable to take a balanced view and not a jaundiced view. Humour is any act with an element of surprise embedded in it, which leaves everybody feeling good and relaxed. It definitely includes joke-telling, but could include many others such as an anniversary-card given to the employee, sending an encouraging letter, a congratulatory message from the Chief Executive at the beginning of day's work for the good job done on the previous day, giving an unexpected compliment or a pat on the shoulder. The list is illustrative, not exhaustive. The key is the surprise element, which is crucial. Just as a joke fails if its punch line (which normally comes at the end of the joke) fails to deliver, similarly humour looses its teeth if the surprise element is taken out. This act of surprise, coming unexpected, leave people with a smile, with a sense of relief from a tense situation.

Humour - What Research findings suggest ?

Today, interest in the effects of humour has grown so much that a separate field named Psycho- neuroimmunology has been expanding which defines the communication links and the relationships between our emotional experience and our immune response as mediated by the Neurological System. Credit goes to Norman Cousins when he utilized humour for his treatment for ankylosing spondylitis. Since negative impact of negative emotion on health was an established fact, he hypothesized that the opposite must be true i.e. positive emotions should also have a positive effect on health resulting in alleviation of pain, feelings of joy and confidence. Results of his self-designed humour treatment was published in 1979. Later, two researchers Lee Bark and Stanley Tan of Loma Linda University School of Medicine in California made a carefully controlled study of the effects of humour and laughter on health leading to the conclusion that physiological response produced by belly laughter is opposite to the effects of stress. They found evidence for

i. Increase in the number and activity level of natural killer cells which attack viral infected cells.
ii. Increase in the amount of activated T Cells (T - lymphocytes), which combat potential foreign substance.
iii. Decrease in serum cortisol levels, thereby protecting our immune system
iv. Increase in the anti-body IgA (Immunoglobulin A), which fights upper respiratory tract infections.
v. Increase in Gamma interferon helping the immune system.
vi. Increase in IgB ( Immunoglobulin B) which helps anti-bodies to pierce dysfunctional or infected cells
vii. Decrease in stress hormones responsible for constricting blood vessels and suppressing immune activities.

In short, humour and laughter stimulates the immune system, off-setting the immunosuppressive effects of stress. Other researches in the field have also supported these findings.

Physiological Effects of Humour

Physiological effects of humour and laughter are tremendous as found by researchers. Dr. William Fry of Stanford University found that " Twenty seconds of guffawing gives the heart the same workout as three minutes of hard rowing". After humour, there is a slight rise in heart-rate and blood pressure followed by an immediate recoil. Muscles relax and blood pressure comes down to pre-laughter level, accompanied by the release of endorphins, the body's natural pain-killer by the brain. More oxygen is pumped into the blood-stream and thus to the brain. All these help the body cope with stress. No wonder, laughing clubs are catching up very fast in India.

Effects of Humour at Workplace :

All of us know by experience that humour leaves us feeling better. A sense of humour allows us to perceive and appreciate the incongruities of workplace situations in particular and life in general better and provides moments of freshness and delight. Adding a comical flair to the context of complicated workplace situations enable the employees to gain new perspectives. People with a sense of humour are less rigid, more creative and more open to consider and accept new ideas and methods.

Humour is like one of those topsy-turvey drawings shown to students of elementary psychology. Holding the drawing in the normal way shows the picture of a man with a gloomy face. Turning it around shows a different face with a beaming smile - the beard becoming his hair, the moustache his eye brows. The picture is same. But viewed from another angle, the picture changes. Charlie Chaplain has once said, "Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long shot". How true ?

Just think about the present day work environment. People experience uncertainty, insecurity, frustration, depression, fear and stress triggered by the mad race by organisations to remain competitive, improve bottom-line and consequential actions of down-sizing, merger and acquisitions and re-engineering. So, that becomes the sum total of their lives. We can't change this external aggression on the workplace situations. We do not have control on everything that happens at the workplace. But , we certainly have control on the way we view things, the way we perceive and the way we react. We can create good moments for us and our co-workers by changing our perception.

We must take lessons from our people in the Army, guarding our borders and sometimes engaged in physical battles. But when the job is done, they find time to laugh about, spend some time relaxing and having fun. Fortunately, all of us are not engaged in physical battle. So instead of throwing more time, energy, money at the problem, why not look for a easier way to face the challenge? Nothing prevents us for making the method soft and smooth.

Humour is a powerful antidote to stress. Though it is difficult to utilize humour or laughter in a tense situation, basically it is precisely that situation when we need it most. Sense of humour gives us the required courage and impetus to find delight, experience, joy in adverse situations, making us competent not to succumb to feelings of depression and helplessness. The biggest benefit of Humour and laughter is that it is free and has no side-effects. It also does not require any special equipment or skill and can be applied anywhere and everywhere if we master the tact.

Work related benefits of humour are enormous. It enhances mental flexibility of individuals, make them more adaptable, less chance-averse, more creative, less rigid and more willing to consider and embrace new ideas and methods. Humour can promote team spirit, increase productivity, encourage creativity and thus improve esprit-de-corps. Healthy humour is a relationship builder. If we can make fun together, can laugh together, enjoy together, is there any doubt that we can work together better as a team ?

H.G. Wells once said " The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow". In fact, things which seemed to us to be unbearable at certain point of time may not be as bad in the hindsight and we can really laugh at them. In retrospect, we can find humour in our dilemmas. So if we can laugh at our dilemmas in future, why not do it now?

Throughout history, great leaders have known the power of humour to use them during the most troubled period of their lives - be he Abraham Lincoln or Winston Churchill or Mahatma Gandhi. Great kings like Akbar, Krishnadev Rao of South and the Kalinga king were utilizing the ingenuity of their court-jesters like Birbal, Tenali Rama, Gopal Bhand to come out of crisis situations. Humour and laughter helps relieve tension in most difficult situations. I have read somewhere that during the Cuban Missile crisis, there was a deadlock between the negotiators of the erstwhile Soviet Russia and America. Everybody sat in silence, not knowing what to do next, until one smart diplomat suggested everybody should tell a humourous story. A Russian Diplomat told a riddle- " What is the difference between Capitalism and Communism ?" and he himself answered- " In Capitalism, 'man exploits man' and in Communism, 'it is the other way around'. Everyone laughed and the mood was relaxed. Then talks continued.

How to use Humour at workplace :

How you choose to infuse humour into your workplace, into your management style, depends a lot on your own personality as well as your subordinates, but there are few things which must be kept in mind before humour or fun is used :
i. Establish your competency- Since you definitely don't want to be seen by your sub-ordinates as someone who only makes fun and do not work, you should make sure that people around you know that you are competent before using your sense of humour.
ii. Taste the water- Not everyone likes or responds well to humour. Try to guess the response before applying.
iii. Time the Humour appropriately- What is fun for one person may not always be fun to another. Using humour during personal tragedy, death of a co-worker. during termination of a job could be very tricky.
iv. Keep it tasteful - All humour is not good humour. Humour which is cruel, which hurts, is bound to create detrimental effects. Sexist, Ethnic, Religious and crude humour are inappropriate and should be avoided.
v. It is best to use humour relevant to the context at hand. Funny stories, even fictitious, yet believable, particularly those relating to the speaker works best.
vi. There is always a risk involved in humour. That need not deter us, but risk for failure should be minimised. You may not always go for a laugh but may go for doing something nice that makes a person feel appreciated. You may go for some sort of surprise or exaggeration which make people feel good

Conclusion :

Humour is just one of the many tools at the disposal of the manager. It is not the panacea. It is not a replacement for any management technique, but definitely a very powerful ally. Humour is contagious, let us start an epidemic. It is aptly said,
" If you laugh, the whole world laughs with you.
But if you weep, you weep alone".
The choice is, of course, yours.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
( Mr. M.M. Tripathy is a HR professional with 24 years of experience. He is a regular contributor to Management Journals of repute. At present, he is working in Senior Management level in a reputed TATA group company in India. Can be contacted at mm_tripathy@yahoo.com or mm_tripathy@sify.com)


Dedication to Grandpa Raymond Daigle

A man who has healed thousands of people using humour.

Last issue in my article ‘Benefits of Humour’ I mentioned how a simple sharing of a joke can have tremendous healing power –you can help people to heal with humour.  Well this issue I would like to dedicate my article to my recently deceased grandfather – Raymond Daigle of Aurora, formerly Richmond Hill.  Ever since I could remember, my grandfather told jokes.  Every visit he had 3 or 4 great new jokes and he told them full of excitement.  My grandfather would just beam while telling a joke – his cheeks would turn pinkish and would shine in delight, his eyes would squint and his crowfeet beautifully accentuated his joy.  When he smiled – you couldn’t help but smile, and of course couldn’t help to not have sore cheeks and bellies from laughing so hard. 

Along with joke telling – he would magically pull whip cream out of our ears, hide coins up his sleeves and would take you on the best airplane rides.  I loved every visit with my grandfather and everyone loved my grandfather.  Who wouldn’t love being around someone who was always so positive, so joyful and so funny.  When you left his presence – you left feeling wonderful.

When my grandfather developed Parkinsons he continued to tell jokes.  Even when it became a challenge to speak loud or not to shake – he never failed to tell 3 or 4 new jokes.  My uncle emailed my grandfather jokes, every week up until his death, and my grandfather kept and cherished every joke.

My uncle compiled a binder filled with my grandpa’s jokes titled ‘Ray Daigle’s Bible of Jokes - In memory of a wonderful man’.  Grandpa Daigle touched many lives – including mine.  What an incredible role model I had.  Throughout his life he healed thousands of people with humour.  It is an honor to carry on our family tradition of helping others to heal with humour. 

Jacquie Hermans – Light’n UP

Laughter Coach, Personal Growth Trainer, T.V. Host/Producer

Email: laugh@lightnup.ca

Website: www.lightnup.ca

1-888-LAF-LOTS

(905) 758-0565

Thinking of a New Year's Resolution?

 Why not commit to being happy?

 Do you enjoy getting frustrated at your co-workers, friends, spouse or kids?

 Wouldn't you like to be able to take things with stride?

 Having compassion for everybody in your life would certainly make a drastic positive impact on your happiness.  There are certain people in my life that are really good at pushing my buttons. The days I feel rested and have balance in all areas of my life, I tend to handle 'those' individuals with ease.

 However, after a night of not much sleep, a week with little exercise or play and food that's make me feel sluggish - I'm cranky, on edge and don't handle the 'button pushers' very well.

 Sometimes I out right lose it!

 When my four year old, starts a tantrum because of something totally insignificant (in MY mind, of course) and I'm on the cranky side - the frustration that wells up inside me is unbelievable. Sometimes I can still keep my cool on the outside but my angry energy is spewing from me.  Is this healthy for me?  Nope! Is this healthy for my relationships? Nope! 

 A few weeks back both of my daughters were losing it in the van on the way to swimming lessons because they wanted their daddy to drive them.  Both kids were screaming uncontrollably and as loud as can be.  I knew they needed to get it out of their systems and nothing I could say at this point would help.  I was exhausted with not much sleep for a couple of weeks at this point and the frustration was welling up inside me.  I turned up the music to try to drown out their screaming, that didn't work. In my distorted frustrated reality I thought shocking them might work so I opened both front windows and thought the blast of cold air would work.  This only made my youngest one more angry because she couldn't hear the music anymore.  I closed the windows turned down the music and simply breathed and drowned them out with my own calming breath.  After about 5 more minutes they finally stopped and the van was once again in peace.

 It's my choice to stay in whatever emotion ignites within me. Why not do whatever I can to be able to deal with whatever is thrown at me?

 So for my New Year's Resolution or I'll call it my Life's Resolution I will strive for balance. Yes, life happens - we get busy, we lose it sometimes, but if I strive to do the best I can with keeping balance, I am committing to my happiness.

 Gift yourself with happiness - you deserve it!  If you want to be happy you can be.  Ensure you are fueling yourself with what YOU need to be happy and healthy.  No one else can tell you what you need, you have to look within and discover the authentic YOU.

 Communicate to your family members what type of support you need to be able to follow through with your 'Happiness' commitment.  It's up to YOU to be happy.  So take charge and make it happen.

 If you need any help to flip those thought-patterns call me (905) 758-0565.

Written by:  Jacquie Hermans - laugh@lightnup.ca

Is there STRESS in your relationship?

Are you always arguing?

 Do you feel more like roommates than lovers?

 Are you getting the 'LOVING' you need?

 Are you missing the passion and intimacy you once had?

 Are you communicating your feelings or simply pushing them down so as not to ignite any fires?

 Many couples out there can answer YES to one or more of the above questions.  We are way too busy and imbalanced in one or more areas of our lives and we are neglecting the individuals we love most.  As with our cars, relationships need ongoing maintenance. If you ignore the 'signs', things start to break down. If you wait too long to do something about it - major damage can occur.

 60% of Canadians who work outside of the home cannot balance their work and family demands

 40% of Ontario Marriages End in Divorce

 1 in 3 breakups is due to a lack of intimacy

 Don't ignore the signs, don't accept a mediocre relationship.  You can make significant changes in your relationship with the following simple tips.

 Tips For Healthy Relationships:

1. Plan regular date nights in and outside of the home.

2. Min. of once a week have one one one catching up sessions...just the two of you snuggling up and talking with out the TV.  Choose a day of the week and try your best to be consistent. ie. Tuesday nights dedicate 30 mins. to an hour of chatting time or if the kids are out of the house at school why not make every Thursday - 'Naked thursdays'. Do your chat and whatever else 'NAKED'.

3. When you are upset about something your spouse did, didn't do, first step back from the situation...

*  take some time to decompress,

*  try to see the situation from their point of view,

*  after you are decompressed, if you still think changes need to happen in order to create a healthier relationship, schedule time with them to sit and talk about it.

4.Getaways - whether it's one night at a hotel, a weekend away or a weeks vacation, find the time and dedicate resources to have that romantic alone time.

5. Play and Laugh together - do this as often as you can.  Take recreation courses together, join a team or a club and take personal growth workshops as a couple. Learn, Grow, Play and Laugh.

Written by:  Jacquie Hermans - laugh@lightnup.ca

Are you tired of other people making you feel guilty?

Here's a wake up call.  You are the only person who makes you feel guilty.  Your thoughts create your emotions. We actually create the situations where others might badger us about things we've done or haven't done. 

When a situation arises and you have thoughts such as, I hope they're not mad, I bet they are going to be angry, I failed...I didn't get this and this done.  When you have self-defeating thoughts or fears of another being disappointed in us, we actually create an energy that will manifest a negative outcome.

 As Anthony Robbins would say...What you focus on will provide you more of your focus.

It's important for you to have confidence in your decisions, to truly believe you are always doing the best that you can. Every decision you make, every action, inaction, every word that comes out of your mouth is perfect for who you and what you might be experiencing in the moment.  Whether we don't get the cleaning done, slept in, forgot to call someone, or even hurt someone's feelings - it's all perfect for that moment.

We all have opportunities for growth, absolutely - there are always things we need to work on, however, you never need to feel bad, guilty, fearful for what you have done/said, not done etc..  You were perfect for that moment and however it turns out you can learn from it. 

If someone else decides to be angry with you because of you being YOU, that's their problem. It's their choice to be angry or it's their button that has been pushed. If YOU choose to feel guilty or feel like you are in the wrong then you are simply putting fuel in the other persons distorted reality.  The other person is in a distorted reality that is stemming from their 'stuff' so you don't have to go there.  To not go there you need to simply trust in you, love you for who you are and realize 'yes' you have opportunities to grow, but you do not deserve anyone chastising you.  Stand up for yourself.  Only speak to others about your opportunities for growth when they are in a balanced, compassionate state.  If they aren't there, you will not be receiving their 'advice' in an open manner. Even if they have valuable tools to help you to grow, if they are coming at you with anger, frustration, or a huge ego...they are wasting their breath and they are filling you with negative energy. Do not accept it. 

Compassionately, tell them you would love to talk about it when you are both in a good place.  Even set a date/time.  Easy said then done right?  The compassionate stuff can be difficult when we get our back up. 

This takes practice.  Practice saying, thank you for bringing that to my attention, let's go into this more at _______time when I'll be more open to receive your info.  At that set time you might receive awesome info to help you to grow and/or you might be providing the other person great info to help them grow.  You might be helping them to see their 'stuff'.  All of this must to be done when you are both in a compassionate and balanced place.

Note: every situation is different for everyone out there. You must above all trust your instinct in what is right for you in the moment.

If you lack the courage to be YOU, to believe in you, to communicate your truth...spend a weekend with me or 5 consecutive sessions.  I have a 2-day Humour for Success course that is coming up : Feb. 28 and March 1 in Aurora.  During this laughter-filled and incredibly inspirational weekend you'll transform into the amazing confident person you were born to be.    If you have the time to dedicate 2 hours per week for 5 weeks my    Light'n UP Level 1 is taking place starting the week of January 12, taking place in Markham and Newmarket.  You'll get 5 weeks of transformation that you directly apply into your daily life every week for an intensive transition www.lightnup.ca - 1-888-LAF-LOTS.  I also offer one-one one sessions - so whatever feels best for you.

It would be an honor to work with you.  You must register NOW for the Level 1 as it starts next week - call me for details.  If you register for the Humour for Success prior to Jan. 31 you can take advantage of the New Years Special $197+gst.  After Jan. 31 the price goes back to $395+gst.

If you want to strengthen the communication and playfulness in your relationship - The Ultimate Intimacy Retreat is coming up May 2009 - you will want to register before the end of February to take advantage of the Early Bird Rate.

Remember to honor YOU!

May 2009 be a year of coming into your power, speaking your truth and fueling your JOY.

Written by:  Jacquie Hermans - laugh@lightnup.ca

How to Stay MERRY Over the Holidays

1. Don't over schedule yourself.  What would the perfect holidays look like to you?  How many places are  you visiting, if any? Whose cooking? Who are you seeing?  Rather than make scheduling decisions that seem best for everyone else, or for what is the 'RIGHT' thing to do, make decisions that will make you happy.  You may find simply by figuring out what would be the 'perfect schedule' - that you discover that is exactly what you have. So rather than focusing on how busy things are, you can be grateful for the amazing plans you have in store.  Or you may finally be standing up for what you want to happen and realize that in the end what you want is best for everyone in the first place.  We can worry so much over letting other people down, others judging us for our decisions, worrying over not being the best parent, spouse, son or daughter-in-law.  Rather than worry about what other people will think, focus of making you happy.  It's not selfish.  When you make you happy, everyone benefits.

2.  Make a budget and stick to it OR don't focus your thoughts on the lack of money in your account.  If you focus on LACK you get more of LACK.  The laws of attraction will bring you more of where you put  your attention. Create a positive affirmation about money and throughout the holiday season say it to yourself, in your head or even better out loud recite your prosperity affirmation such as "I am attracting and receiving an abundant flow of prosperity in all areas of my life".

3.  Plan some fun and creative activities over the holidays such as:

• Family Board Games

• Cards Bowling

• Forest Walks

• Skiing

• Build a Fort/Snowman

• Tobogganing and Hot chocolate

• Ice-Skating

• Rent a holiday seasonal comedy and enjoy it as a family

• Family Improv - Tell a story together either one sentence at a time or one word at a time.

 Be Creative, laugh and find the time to SLOW DOWN and Spend Time Together.

 Now and during the holidays listen to your heart and that's exactly what you should be doing.

Written by:  Jacquie Hermans - laugh@lightnup.ca

 I Can't Believe She Did That!

I Can't Believe She Did That!  Is this a phrase that has come out of your mouth?  Or how about..."I'm not judging but..."  We all do this... we tend to JUDGE other people for what they do, don't do, what they say, how they say it.  This is normal.  We are coming from what we know and what we believe to be RIGHT.

By the way when you do say "I'm not judging but..." there is a really really good chance you are actually Judging. Anytime you are upset with the way someone did something, didn't do something, the way they said something etc... you are judging them.

We all need to practice TRUSTING that however someone else is living, reacting, talking it is perfect for who they are, what they need to learn and what they have learned.

We judge our 'Mother-in-law' for the way they do things, we judge our partner for their quirky habits, we judge our neighbours for how they raise their kids, but the real lesson here is to stop Judging and trust that everything is perfect.  What ever we do, say, react in any given moment is perfect. It's perfect for what we need to learn or the lessons others might need in our lives.

When you judge someone else all you do is create turmoil within yourself.  Negative thoughts, create negative emotions, which will negatively impact your physical, mental and emotional health.  Anytime we are wasting energy worrying about someone else's behaviour we are doing our bodies harm.

The people who push our buttons are doing it to help us to grow, to gain compassion for ourselves and for others.  The next time you are pointing your finger at someone, turn it back on you and look within yourself to see the lessons you need to gain from this judgment.

Do yourself a favour, stop expending so much energy on other people's stuff and focus on bringing more JOY in your life.

Always Remember:  You are perfect for today and so are they.

Written by:  Jacquie Hermans - laugh@lightnup.ca

 

 

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